i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
