I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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