oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
