It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
