So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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