____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
