people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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