I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize