Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
