P.S. I can't hear my feet
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
