my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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