it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
