So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
