My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
