To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
