I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize