You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
this hospital has no fireball
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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