areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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