So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
