That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
