The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
