ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
