Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
