Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she pinky promised me she was 18
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
