Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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