brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize