I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
