then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
