the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
