In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
