but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
