I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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