I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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