at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize