i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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