just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
