we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize