WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
