You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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