what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize