2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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