I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
