i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
