Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
