Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
