My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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