I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
