Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize