What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
