my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
