I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
