This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
