When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
ttyl tear gas
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
