Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
