Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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