why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
