Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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