I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
cat food counts as protein by the way
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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