Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
