Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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