Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
