Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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