i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
