these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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