i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
