goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
