I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
