i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
