Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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