found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
