my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
