All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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