Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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