He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You made out with two different species that night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
