i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
