the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize