I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
