I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
