I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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