she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
