I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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