Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
