Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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