Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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