Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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