I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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