Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize