ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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