every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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