we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
