It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
