So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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