I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
