Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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