How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
