The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize