if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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