now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They took my balls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
