she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
