im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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