You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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