So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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