booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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