Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
