Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
