Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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